Lost Soul
by SiennaS
Summary: Apparently I'm off probation with FF and can post again. This is my own interpretation of what might have been going through the mind of Seth Rollins after Monday night. One Shot - Hope you enjoy.


_Okay, so after having Betrayal banned by FF admin for not being 'fiction' I decided to write something that they'll hopefully leave alone since it is fiction. I don't know about you all, but I'm still struggling with what happened Monday night. I'm a logical person who knows the stories are scripted and that behind the scenes the boys are still friends. Yet, I find myself emotionally hurt by what happened. So I wrote this hoping maybe it would help._

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It wasn't supposed to happen this way...

I mean we all knew it couldn't last forever. No stable...not the Four Horsemen...not the Fabulous Freebirds...not the NWO or even DX lasted forever. Still, deep down I'd hoped we'd get a little more time and when it did finally happen, it would be Dean, not me, who broke away.

You know, its funny how life can totally sneak up on you when you're not looking and completely change the game. I don't mean in the wrestling sense, but in the friendship sense. When management pulled us up from NXT and formed us into The Shield, I'd actually wondered how long we'd last. Back then Dean wasn't one of my favorite people and Roman...well, I wasn't quite sure what to make of the pretty boy legacy who'd waltzed into NXT with no wrestling experience and immediate got pushed toward the top.

I'm ashamed to say I might have even been a little resentful of him. After all, he hadn't needed to scratch and claw like Dean and I did to reach our goals.

Only something unexpected happened in this past eighteen months. We not only became friends, but we became brothers. I suppose it was inevitable that it should happen that way. After all, you don't spend nearly every waking hour with a person and not come to care about them on some level.

Oh sure, those first few weeks together were a bit awkward, especially between us and Roman, but the long dark nights, cramped in a car, the hotel rooms and sometimes beds (when our reservations got screwed up) we shared broke down those barriers. Our work ethics ran along the same lines. We it came to our health and fitness we fed off each other, pushing one another for just that little more which would make us better. Our chemistry bloomed and we quickly became unmatched in the ring. Nobody could beat us and nobody knew what we were thinking or what we'd do next.

Somehow along this journey we'd become the three Musketeers. It wasn't just us against the WWE Universe. It was us against the world.

Back then we'd been so hungry. We'd made a pact that we'd do whatever it took to get to the top and stay there. What was best for our careers would always come first. Friendship wasn't supposed to matter and it shouldn't have mattered. This is a job and we're putting on a show. What happens on screen shouldn't have any effect on our off screen lives. Yet, we all know it does.

When creative brought this plan to us, I'd initially balked at the idea. It may have been the first time in my life that I'd ever said no to management. Just the idea of turning on my brothers made me sick inside. Roman and Dean sat quietly while I'd argued my points. I'd tried everything from keeping us together to having creative turn Dean instead.

I'm ashamed to admit I'd seen the hurt in Dean's eyes when I'd made that suggestion, but logically it made more sense and we all knew it. Dean had always played the heel and he'd always done a good job of it. Which apparently was the exact reason why management refused to turn him.

_If we turn Dean, you'll fade into Roman's shadow and we can't turn Roman because he's going to be the next face of the company. The only way for us to ensure you become the same level star both of them are going to become, is for you to turn heel and leave the group. Distance yourself now and you'll become a breakout star._

I hated that they were right in their assessment of the situation and I resented being put into this position. Doing this meant not only ruining this amazing team we'd become, but losing everything we'd built to this point. Creative and management doesn't care that on a personal level I was about to lose everything I held dear. All they could see was the dollar signs that came with the spike in ratings this would bring.

With no other choice but to agree, I did so with a heavy heart. After the meeting Dean, Rome and I talked and we agreed that no matter what happened in the ring, we were still brothers...still best friends.

As much as I desperately wanted to believe that, I knew deep in my heart it wasn't true. My leaving the group meant more than just breaking up The Shield. There would be no more long nights cramped in a car together. No more autograph signings with my brothers. No more working out together. The WWE Universe are a savvy bunch and it wouldn't look good for the story if we were seen together outside the ring.

Distancing myself from them means I will lose some if not all of the bond we created. Oh sure, we'll say that we're still friends, but will we really be? I guess only time will tell.

As I sit here on this concrete floor with my head against the lockers, I can't help but feel the pain of what I had to do tonight. It's weight is crushing me to the point where I can barely breath and it's so very deep and profound every fiber of my being aches with it. My head hurts. My stomach is rolling and I just want to curl up on a ball and cry. I can still feel the vibrations of the chair slamming into Roman's back and my stomach churns from it. I know that what I did tonight was the right thing for us. It will help to propel us all further up the ranks and solidify our positions in the company. It's not just what was 'best for business', but it was best for our careers. Yet I find myself asking if the price I'm about to pay will be worth the future rewards.

Already people are calling me a traitor and once loyal fans have turned their backs on me. Management says not to sweat it. They tell me that I'll acquire new fans and new friends, but what if I don't want new fans and new friends? I've hurt my brothers and let my fans down. Right now as I sit in this dimly lit room waiting for my brethren to return, I can't help but wonder how they'll react when they walk through that door. Tonight was the last night we will share a locker room. Tonight was the beginning of the next phase in our lives and I have a bad feeling that life for me is about to get very very lonely.

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_For anyone that is interested, I started a Shield forum for those of us who want to talk and share our feelings about the shield outside of writing stories. I'm not quite sure how to use it yet, but I'm working on it._


End file.
